In the 1980s, it became popular to wear necklaces that were as high on the neck as they were tight.

Originally known as high and tights, wearers of this jewelry eventually opted for the name choker. The reason for this name-change was two-fold. The first reason was due to a cease and desist order from the Association of Retarded-Mentally Youth (ARMY), who had laid claim to the name in order to describe their haircut several days prior. (See upper-right.)

The second reason was to protest the oppressive nature of the economic regime of our Lord and Saviour, Lord Ronald Reagan, Esq. Under which, people claimed to feel as though their throats were being gently rubbed – as if by a cherub who was trying to help them swallow harsh medicine.

Despite the initial controversy, people were hankering to be choked: chokers made their way into a variety of dress styles, from people wealthy folks who wished to show off the size of their lode in pearl necklace format, to punk rockers, to fans of the Cure.

A certain rumour started by followers of New Age Mysticism helped the choker’s popularity. It was believed that limiting one’s intake of oxygen would allow choker-wearers to live longer, as they would not reach their total amount of breathable air quota until much, much later – giving the impression of relative immortality. Research shows that this is in fact true.^{[according to whom?]}

Young or old, rich or poor, people were dying to show how uncomfortable they were willing to be for the sake of fashion and ever-lasting life.

Tighter… tighter… Now spit on me.

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When Challenge of the Dragon was released, it defined what it meant for a piece of plastic and circuitry to be a game for the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Indeed, Challenge of the Dragon became synonymous with the very NES console, with players owning five or six cartridges. This phenomenon was unlike the ownership of Super Mario Bros. cartridges, which was limited to two or three, and even unlike that of Super Mario Bros. 3 – so rare, in fact, that video game owners found themselves with negative copies, thus owing their local dealers.

With Challenge of the Dragon’s intuitive controls and slick graphics, this really shouldn’t have been a surprise. An amazing two attacks can be accomplished with the use of a mere one button. Seemingly chosen at random, it adds an extra feature to the game because players can never be certain if they’ll be swinging their sword or doing a dropkick, which could easily toss them down the holes they’re trying to avoid.

The graphics – also ahead of their time – allows players to struggle to differentiate between two different shades of grey among its mushroom-man enemies.

For those of you in Equatorial Guinea, you may recognize this title as Super Mario Bros. 2.

Truly revolutionary. Truly a marvel to behold.

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Andrea Barber’s portrayal of the lonely Kimmy Gibbler added an emotional depth to Full House not seen on the series since Uncle Theodore’s struggles with substance abuse and his eventual death in the unaired pilot episode “A Trip To The Zoo.”

Gibbler’s life presented an oft-unseen view of the real world – where not everyone lived in a 15,000 square foot townhouse in San Francisco.

As the star of the show, Full House followed Kimmy Gibbler’s hard knock life as she attempted to become a part of the Tanner family despite belonging to a low-income Irish family headed by an abusive mother.

Arriving at the Tanner’s doorstep after a seven mile journey from her home in an abandoned shipping container, Gibbler was frequently met with the unfortunate welcome of groans and grimaces. It was a story as old as time – a person’s struggles against class inequality.

What made the Tanners despise her so much? Was it the potatoes she carried in her pockets as an impromptu snack? Was it her head lice? How do we measure a man? By the content of their character, or the lice population of their head?

What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.
Everywhere you look , everywhere you go (there’s a heart).
There’s a heart
A hand to hold onto.
Everywhere you look , everywhere you go.
There’s a face
Of somebody who needs you.
Eveywhere you look,
When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home,
Everywhere you look.
Everywhere you look.

The touching lyrics of Full House’s opening theme – originally set to a montage of Kimmy Gibbler roaming the streets of San Francisco looking in lit up homes at the families inside.

Sorry Kimmy, this house is full.

Paul Roma was born in 1960 in the Ozarks. After a brief childhood, Roma’s mother put him on a bayonette and sent him downstream on the Current River.

Twenty-years later, while on a fishing trip on the east coast, Vince MacMahon found an extremely emaciated – some might say ‘dead’ – Paul Roma. But after seventeen shots of MacMahon’s patented high-protein injection, Roma was more alive than ever.

Paul “Corpse McGee” Roma made his wrestling debut with the WWF in 1985. In an attempt to make Roma a fan-favourite, the WWF executives decided to re-name him “Pretty” Paul Roma and replace him with Tammy Faye Bakker.

Unfortunately, wrestling fans were feeling neither the name nor the personnel change, and, laying claim to no WWF titles, Roma and Bakker faded into obscurity (that is, the roster of World Championship Wrestling) by the early 1990s.

Roma/Bakker retired in 2005 and opened up a beauty parlor shortly before returning to the comfort of the grave in 2007.

Missed by some.

Hold onto your britches, you’re witnessing the Game of the Minute it Happened to be Released: September 15^th, 1991, 10:35 am.

When Choujin Ookami Senki: Warwolf was released, players let out a sigh of relief. Finally a video game designer combined what was hitherto thought to be outside the realm of combination: the music of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the graphic style of Castlevania, and all the fun that comes with having a hole in one’s head.

Warwolf follows the story of the unlikely hero Mr Mary as he takes a bite out of crime and realizes he’s the only one who can prevent forest fires – but can you realize this truth? That is the task at hand. (Pro tip: Walk to the right and press ‘A’ in order to accomplish it.)

When all is said and done, Warwolf proves that it was deserving of its award.

Valuable addition to the horse racing simulator genre.

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Everyone’s favourite cherub is back – but this time, she or he is mildly irritated!

The idea of a chubby cherub broke into the collective unconscious through an unlikely source – the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Initially used as a squeaky-clean Mormon pickup line (“I’ve got a chubby cherub in my pants and he wants to penetrate you with an arrow”), Konami took the idea at the root and ran with it. Unfortunately, that game was banned for being sexually explicit.

Konami tried again, opting to go with a more literal approach instead of the sexual euphemism. The outcome was a bit premature, but the world received was a decent platform game about a chubby cherub who wishes to penetrate individuals with an arrow.

The controls are also standard for the genre. The ‘A’ and ‘B’ buttons jump, while pressing combinations of ‘A’, ‘B’, and directions from the directional pad will allow players to walk, shape pottery, and fire the kiln.

I’m at half-mast for Chubby Cherub.

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