In the late eighteenth-century, things were looking up for France. The ideals of the Industrial Revolution were firmly entrenched and allowed to flourish because of France’s world renowned Protestant work ethic. People were making money, people were spending money. And with three downs and mere seconds remaining in the fourth quarter, France’s economy grew by an unprecedented 3.4%.
But as all good Christians know, hubris is one of the most damning characteristics of all: as the French peasantry 
flocked from the countryside to the metropolis to wear the finest Canadian beaver pelt hats, act like the Cathars never lived in their country, and be with their new shepherd – the Almighty 16-hour work-shift in a dangerous factory – the Apocalypse began to unfold in the form of famine. (See right, a young French boy dons his finest evening wear.)
God orchestrated this display of wrath by causing a volcanic eruption in the Laki Craters of Iceland in 1783. This emitted 120-tons of sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere, causing drastic changes in temperature 
wherever its vengeful haze drifted. This also had an effect on what is known by theologians as ‘El Niño-Southern Oscillation’, which occurs every three to eight-years due to variations in trade winds and atmospheric pressure and sends weather patterns for quite the trip.
After an abundant harvest in 1785, the French were punished for their evil ways with the famine of 1788-1789. Because of their reluctance to adopt the potato as a staple food like the rest of Europe – calling it “bland… uninteresting [and] in need of some tomato-based paste in order to be edible” – tens of French citizens died as a result of this famine.
The French Monarchy was quick to act, however, as King Louis XVI put a halt on unnecessary spending and emptied the nation’s coffers into an emergency famine relief fund, which was used to import foodstuffs from nearby friends England and Germany. Because of his generosity, Louis XVI would go down in French history as a selfless hero. (In the image to the left, King Louis XVI about to be awarded with the highest honour of France: a swift blade to the neck.)
On January 1st, 1790, the famine ended, and the history of France would continue as normal for centuries – this includes fostering the ire of an angry and vengeful but loving and caring one true God.
One true God.
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