Can you handle fifty-percent more Bases Loaded than Bases Loaded II?

Bases Loaded 3 is the third title released in the Bases Loaded series, an unorthodox side-quest created to complement the holes left in the storyline of the mahjong titles released for the Nintendo Entertainment System.

While Bases Loaded 3 contains many different game play elements than mahjong, it is actually very similar to most baseball titles, as it possess the following features:

• Causes me to sigh
• Uses the ‘A’ button for everything, including asking the vendor for a hotdog

Bases Loaded 3 breaks away from traditional baseball games by in a number of ways. For one, they decided that there is no finer place for the camera than behind the pitcher’s mound. This makes it difficult to find the ball if it is hit into the outfield, or even infield.

Secondly, Bases Loaded 3 contains a complex rating system. The final goal is to be such a great presser of the ‘A’ button that your opponent is unable to hit the ball and you’re unable to not hit the ball – even when you’re pitching.

Can you play the perfect game, solve the skill-testing quadratic equation, and receive a rating of 100? Can you?

Can you!?

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Bases Loaded II, or Bases Loadeder to the unwashed masses, was Jaleco’s second attempt at creating a scuba diving simulator for the Commodore 64. Unfortunately they failed on both counts, and we’re left with a game of baseball for the NES.

The graphics have been downgraded, and the fun drained completely in this sophomore effort, but fans of the original will be pleased to know their fictional rosters have been updated to reflect the imaginations of faceless Japanese developers in the 1989 season.

The only thing more soothing than an afternoon game of baseball are the fumes from your automobile as you redirect them into the driver’s side window.

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Grab your hip-waders and your bucket of chum, it’s time to go fishing the old fashioned way – using your home entertainment system.

Published in 1988 by HOT-B Corp., The Black Bass II is perhaps the ultimate in fishing simulators. It features a text entry prompt which allows for the entire alphabet and also numbers 0 through 9. The combination of both alpha and numeric was seen as the holy grail of fishing.

Your prey swims horizontally across the bottom of the screen as you scramble to enter the correct letter/number combination to catch a fish. After running a brute-force password cracker for several weeks I was able to land myself quite the impressive bass.

The entire process reminds me of days spent on the lake with father, holding up signs with random number/letter combinations and waiting for fish to flop into our boat. It wasn’t about the catch so much as the thrill of cryptography.

ProTip: Enter A4957XGKE to land the ultimate catch – a noose and a beam to hang it on.

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Hold onto your knickers: this is a step up from Best Play Amateur Yakyuu.

Best Play Pro Yakyuu shook the earth upon its release as it combines the best elements of both the baseball and menu-simulation genres – something that had been deemed impossible.

When asked about the recipe for success, Konami’s president John A. Smith said they followed a secret two-part formula. I don’t know for certain, but I think the breakdown looks something like this:

• All menu
• No baseball

Best Play Pro Yakyuu also has something for fans of customization, as the proper combination of the directional pad and the ‘A’ and ‘B’ button will allow players to enter text.

Over all, Best Play Pro Yakyuu is a valuable contribution to a blossoming genre of baseball menu simulation.

I’m beginning to think that yakyuu might mean ‘baseball’.

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This ain’t no regular miracle. This is one of them ‘bio’ miracles that everyone has been talking about.

With the release of Bio Miracle Bokutte Upa, the genre of ‘walking to the left and jumping when the situation calls for it’ was redefined. This occurred for a number of reasons, but the most groundbreaking reason is that Bio Miracle allowed players to play as a baby!

Up until this point, most games involved controlling grizzled old men who had the ability to turn into jets: it was a miracle of biology that this character was not torn between being a jet and a human being. Or maybe that was a defect.

The innovation of the controls in Bio Miracle is overshadowed only by their intuitiveness. Players decide which direction to walk in by using the directional pad. The ‘B’ button attacks with a rattle. The ‘A’ button does a jump.

Bio Miracle also contains some interesting power-ups to help get the players to the end of the level, such as

• Standing up and running

When enemies are attacked in Bio Miracle, they go into somewhat of a floaty daze. In order to remove them from the screen, they must be touched again, which sends them rocketing across the screen. If players are lucky, the airborne enemy will strike other enemies on its way out. If they are truly lucky, however, the enemy will strike them and allow them to take a break from all the fun and excitement.

Check the manual for more information on taking breaks every half hour!

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Everyone’s favourite Dungeons and Dragons-based Baseball title!

The sequel to Battletoads, Banpresto decided to take the series in a different direction: Battle Baseball plays much more like your average baseball game. The inclusion of traditional role-playing elements such as hit points, level, average, and homeruns, however, make this title exceptional.

Banpresto added these features just for show, however, as it’s impossible to actually hit the ball. Despite this inherent impossibility, pitching still takes a bit of skill because players must calculate whether or not they have enough mana in order to make their desired pitch.

That doesn’t make the game any less pointless and impossible, but it definitely gives hardcore fans a reason to keep coming back.

Slightly more enjoyable than taking a pitch in the head.

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