As the disco sun of the 70s set, the 80s had to find its own identity. As with any new identity, it first required a hair cut.

The obvious answer was to invent an entirely new way of cutting hair – something so incredible that it would change the face of cutting things forever.

The Flowbee, a vacuum attachment capable of cutting hair, was that answer.

The Flowbee worked by sucking hair into itself and then cutting it to loosely defined lengths known as "layers." The original prototype had utilized the suction of pool filters, and though it had incredible suction, it lacked the ability to "cut" the hair.

Some saw that first prototype as a failure – a painful way of premature baldness – others saw it as the beginning of something amazing.

The inventor went back to the drawing board – combining several household objects and attempting to cut hair with them. Blow torches, knives, toaster ovens – they all came up short in one way or another.

Finally he hit pay dirt – combine the cutting power of razors with the suction power of a shop-vac. Perhaps the strangest part was that nobody had thought of it before.

Now we don’t think twice of firing up our vacuum and sucking our hair, but in the 70s it was unheard of.

The bald spots keep me aerodynamic.

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In the olden days it wasn’t uncommon to actually miss a phone call. If you were away from the phone a call would come in – ring several times – and then just disappear. Where did the message go when nobody picked up? Nobody knows for certain, but micro-black holes are suspected.

The answering machine was invented in 1935 to combat this problem. The first device consisted of a jar attached to the handset’s speaker – with the jar capturing the message. Unfortunately nobody could figure out how to play back a jar full of air in the form of a coherent message.

In the 1980s a group of Japanese scientists discovered it was possible to record messages on the same cassettes used to record music. Finally the Japanese government could notify all residents of an impending Godzilla attack, the bombing of Pearl Harbors, and the latest anime releases.

It wasn’t until the mid-eighties that the technology made its way to North America. It was hailed as the largest technological advance since the 40lb pager. Americans no longer had to get up and answer the phone – they merely had to sit in their chair and listen to the message.

Answering machines grew more advanced – some came bundled with iron lungs to alleviate the nuisance of “breathing,” others came with a preloaded feeding tube and toilet/sofa, making movement a thing of the past.

Now my living room is my bathroom and my office!

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Everyone’s favourite Nintendo Entertainment System video game containing the word Bokosuka in its title!

Bokosuka Wars puts players in the heat of the action in 1965-era feudal Japan. Players take control of young Ryo as he attempts to be the most productive farmer for the Emperor and win the heart of the Emperor’s daughter – having been torn from her chest earlier that afternoon.

In order to do this, players can use the standard NES controller: the directional pad moves, the ‘B’ button plants seeds and uses farm equipment, and the ‘A’ button must be tapped repeatedly in order to work up the player’s “will” to “get out of bed” – a highly innovative concept.

The other control option is the NES Zapper light gun, which is used by pointing the barrel into the player’s mouth. Light sobbing triggers the Zapper’s motion sensor, while the splashing of tears activates the lens-based controls.

All in all, Bokosuka Wars is one of the best simulators of the feudal Japan genre to ever be released.

Definitely the best of the genre.

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With the arrival of 1980 also came the arrival of many new technologies in filmmaking. It was the first year that video was added to film, turning conventional “talkies” into “watchies.” It was also the first year which allowed women to star in films – a role previously filled by cross dressing men such as Sir. Estelle Getty.

#10 – The Blues Brothers – $52m (437 x 10^375 in 1923 German Marks)

A documentary on the life of two cataract suffering music lovers – Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi. The film is credited as being the first recorded instance of “Blues” music.

#9 – Ordinary People – $54m (573 x 10^375 in 1923 German Marks)

A gripping portrayal of the average American family. Featuring the epic scene “eating breakfast and listening to the radio” this movie would turn filmmaking on its head, then on its feet, then walk out of the theatre on itself.

#8 – Smokey and the Bandit II – $66m (599 x 10^375 in 1923 German Marks)

Smokey the bear returns in this animated classic; and he’s joined by an all-star cast featuring Tom Selleck. Whose job is it to prevent forest fires? Stay tuned to the exciting ending to find out.

#7 – Private Benjamin – $69m (623 x 10^375 in 1923 German Marks)

Goldie Hawn appears in this Freaky Friday-esque adventure. She’s mistakenly recruited into the military through a series of unfortunate events. Now it’s up to her to prove that a woman can make it in the military despite their limited muscle mass, high levels of body-fat, and haywire emotions.

#6 – Coal Miner’s Daughter – $79m (826 x 10 ^375 in 1923 German Marks)

Dolly Parton stars in this classic film of a woman’s rise from the depths of a coal mine to become the woman with the largest breasts on Earth – proving that with a lot of hard work a girl can accomplish anything.

Keep  your eyes and your potatoes peeled for Part 2 of our look at the top films of 1980. Until then, here’s a Blues classic.

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Welcome to Roarin’ 80s’ 335-post extravaganza! We’ve been planning this particular celebration since Roarin’ 80s was conceived – one foggy afternoon in an undisclosed location, through an undisclosed crime of passion, committed while listening to Angus Young croon jazz standards.

For this special occasion, we’d like to present you with something we’ve never done before here at Roarin’ 80s: a review of the Blues Brothers game for the Nintendo Entertainment System!

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Rumour has it that the heart of rock n’ roll is in Cleveland. A not-so-often cited fact about the heart of the blues, however, is that it is your NES! It can also be found within my chest.

Konami released Blues Brothers as a part of its contract with Nintendo to find brand recognition for the characters designed to replace a slumping Bill and Ted: Mario and Luigi.

In Blues Brothers, players take control of Mario and Luigi as they try to decipher the puzzle of how to not turn off their NES. This ability will be tested as players are faced with Konami’s unconventional approach to stairs: jumping onto each single step with the risk of falling off, instead of being able to simply ‘walk up the stairs’ – something seen in more archaic games, such as Castlevania.

Players’ inability to get into the mall does show a hint of anti-consumerism. This is one of the more explicitly anti-American titles to be released on the console. In order to combat the message, I encourage everyone to run out and buy it.

Terrible.

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In 1985 Ethiopia took the international spotlight and shone it on its bloated bellies.

1984 began with the western world knowing very little about Ethiopia. They knew the basics – that it was in Africa, and full of Africans – but beyond that they surprisingly knew very little about an impoverished nation on the absolute far side of the planet.

And then it stopped raining there.

No rain in Africa, you say? Isn’t the entire continent just an uninhabitable wasteland? Yes. Yes it is.

So a couple of writers sat down with the knowledge that a famine was taking place and did what anyone high on cocaine and awake for 72 hours would do -  wrote a Christmas song. That Christmas song was “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Enter the largest collection of New Wave artists outside of a San Francisco methadone clinic’s clientele.

And so the renowned scholars Bono and Boy George educated the world on the plight of this African nation – with the emphasis being that they’re hungry, and you’re not.

The song inspired millions to donate, and as they reached for their wallets they saw the many television ads requesting aid – then swiftly put their wallets away.

“What’s this? Large protruding bellies? I thought these children were starving.”

“The best I can do is to tell my children not to waste food – lest they face the guilt of someone in Ethiopia dying from malnourishment as a result.”

I personally adopt an Ethiopian a year – I’ve almost got as many Ethiopians as I have Dale Earnhardt memorial plates.

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