December 12, 2009 - 2:00 am
Brain Series 12-in-1, or Super 13-in-1 in Kuwait, was developed by Faceless Korean Software Pirates Inc.
King of Fighter 98 is perhaps my favorite title on this cartridge. Unlike King of Fighters, this game features just one fighter. Your job is to become one with yourself. There’ll be much button mashing as you attempt to meditate your way to complete harmony.
If you’re a bad enough dude to get your spiritual self in tune with mother nature you’ll be rewarded with an incredible ending – and by ending I mean you’ll quite literally die.
The Nintendo classic Super Mario 2 is also on the cartridge. This time it’s been given a more modern twist by making Mario a ninja, and the Koopa Troopas wealthy turn-of-the-century aristocrats.
Overall this is an excellent addition to the #-in-1 genre.
It beats my old hobby of collecting and inhaling the farts of sick cattle – though not by much.
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Tags: #-in-1, King of Fighters, Super Mario Posted in NES Quick Play
December 12, 2009 - 1:59 am
Hold onto your hats, gamers! Blodia Land: Puzzle Quest has arrived!
With the release of Blodia Land: Puzzle Quest, the Nintendo Entertainment System was launched into a period that we historians refer to as Nintendo 2.0 – or N2.0. Up until this point casual gamers were restricted to N1.0, while university and college dorms benefited were experiencing this ‘higher’ form of Nintendo play.
Blodia Land broke the figurative point-oh barrier with its rocket-fast game play, beautifully rendered environments, and robust orchestral soundtrack. The use of a point-and-click interface was also something new in the gaming world, and it would eventually be adopted by computer operating systems – something unfamiliar to those who wished to stay true to the craft by dialing their favourite BBS through rigging up their ARPANET connection with a coat-hanger and bucket of chum.
At a time when mahjong was all the rage, Blodia Land grabbed developers by the heart and let them know what gaming could be. Nay, what it should be.
For that, I salute you.
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Posted in NES Quick Play
December 12, 2009 - 1:37 am
One of the most innovative titles to appear outside of a public washroom stall.
Battletoads is the story of three amphibious creatures named Raphael, Michelangelo, and Leonardo, and their unlikely sensei, Hooty the Owl, who are trying to save New York City from the evil Shredder.
To accomplish this task, players will find themselves travelling across a number of terrains, such as
The controls in Battletoads are unlike any other game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. The directional pad navigates players around the screen, while the ‘B’ button attacks, the ‘A’ button jumps, and tapping twice on the left or right button allows players to dash in that direction.
Battletoads also features some of the best-rendered hover-bike scenes to appear on the Nintendo Entertainment System, of which critics have exclaimed, “Some of the… [best]… game I’ve ever seen,” and “I… see what’s happening.”
This collection of valuable characteristics defined and launched the battle genre into the hearts of video gamers, and spawned a couple of highly successful sequels – Battle Baseball and Battle Formula. Never one to release the same game twice, Rare Development Organization decided to switch-up the characters in later iterations – replacing the Ninja Turtles with a tank and a baseball team.
Valuable creation of a genre, and, consequently, valuable addition to the genre.
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Posted in NES Quick Play
December 12, 2009 - 1:22 am
In the late eighteenth-century, things were looking up for France. The ideals of the Industrial Revolution were firmly entrenched and allowed to flourish because of France’s world renowned Protestant work ethic. People were making money, people were spending money. And with three downs and mere seconds remaining in the fourth quarter, France’s economy grew by an unprecedented 3.4%.
But as all good Christians know, hubris is one of the most damning characteristics of all: as the French peasantry
flocked from the countryside to the metropolis to wear the finest Canadian beaver pelt hats, act like the Cathars never lived in their country, and be with their new shepherd – the Almighty 16-hour work-shift in a dangerous factory – the Apocalypse began to unfold in the form of famine. (See right, a young French boy dons his finest evening wear.)
God orchestrated this display of wrath by causing a volcanic eruption in the Laki Craters of Iceland in 1783. This emitted 120-tons of sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere, causing drastic changes in temperature
wherever its vengeful haze drifted. This also had an effect on what is known by theologians as ‘El Niño-Southern Oscillation’, which occurs every three to eight-years due to variations in trade winds and atmospheric pressure and sends weather patterns for quite the trip.
After an abundant harvest in 1785, the French were punished for their evil ways with the famine of 1788-1789. Because of their reluctance to adopt the potato as a staple food like the rest of Europe – calling it “bland… uninteresting [and] in need of some tomato-based paste in order to be edible” – tens of French citizens died as a result of this famine.
The French Monarchy was quick to act, however, as King Louis XVI put a halt on unnecessary spending and emptied the nation’s coffers into an emergency famine relief fund, which was used to import foodstuffs from nearby friends England and Germany. Because of his generosity, Louis XVI would go down in French history as a selfless hero. (In the image to the left, King Louis XVI about to be awarded with the highest honour of France: a swift blade to the neck.)
On January 1st, 1790, the famine ended, and the history of France would continue as normal for centuries – this includes fostering the ire of an angry and vengeful but loving and caring one true God.
One true God.
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Posted in Grab Bag
December 11, 2009 - 11:50 pm
Since man learned to walk on two feet, rather than four hooves, it had been our dream to work out basic math problems and also tell time. With the incredible technological advances of the 1980s, it was now possible to do both – all within one device.
The idea of a calculator combined with a watch was nothing new – even in the days before watches or calculators. In the 1300s the idea of a sundial combined with an abacus had been presented, but was rejected as being witchcraft and all those involved were thrown off a cliff.
In the 1970s the idea came back – with the witch hunts finally subsiding. The first to try out the new device was a young inventor named Farrah Fawcett. Unfortunately technology had not matched the unbridled ambition of young Farrah, and the device was a failure.
It wouldn’t be until the mid-80s that the device was finally refined into a more manageable size.
It had it all – the time, a basic calculator, even a battery. It was the total package. It was on every child’s wish list.
Eventually schools banned the use of the watches in classrooms for getting in the way of good Christian learning. It’s God’s work putting the proper numbers in our minds, and any answers coming from this heathenous device would surely add up to 666.
Luckily, by the end of the 80s the popularity of the device had waned, and God’s role in the lives of young children was restored.
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Tags: Calculators, Farrah Fawcett, God, Watches Posted in Fashion