Capcom’s got the ultimate game on their hands with this one. It’s the final solution to your gaming woes!

Bionic Commando, or Hitler no Fukkatsu: Top Secret in feudal Japan, is an epic adventure game set in the distant future. In this wild version of the future Hitler is actually regarded as a force of evil, rather the humanitarian he’s seen as today.

As Radd Spencer you’ll find yourself the proud owner of a brand new cyborg arm. It’s capable of extending at a whopping 90 and 180 degrees – that’s twice what a broomstick jammed into the ground is capable of!

Your arm isn’t your only weapon though – nor your only source of pleasure – you’ve also got your trusty gun.

With your gun in hand you’ll find yourself killing hundreds of Nazzs and finally reaching the boss – Adolf H. himself. Will you choose to kill him, or will you look deep into your heart and see that the Third Reich’s a charm?

No matter what you choose, you’ve already learned the most valuable lesson of all.

…and Hitler said “Mein son, when you saw one set of footprints in the sand, it wasn’t me leaving you – It was me carrying you.”

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Best Play Pro Yakyuu makes a valiant return to the Nintendo Entertainment System with its 90th yakyuu release.

After two successful yakyuu releases on the NES, ASCII returned the Best Play Pro Yakyuu series to a more familiar medium: the collectable card game.

Eighty-seven editions of the popular game later, ASCII decided to return to the NES – a move heralded by video game players everywhere. With Best Play Pro Yakyuu ’90, the NES once again had an enjoyable menu simulator-based baseball game.

Yakyuu ’90 sticks to the old formula of keeping yakyuu enjoyable by keeping yakyuu to a minimum.

Slight loss of points because at one point I thought I was going to witness some yakyuu.

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Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerike two!

Best Play Pro Yakyuu II is the second release in ASCII Corporation’s ever-popular Yakyuu series. Yakyuu appears to be a game whose origins can be traced back to Japan, where players hit some sort of orb with some sort of stick, then run to various stations until they end up back at the beginning in order to score ‘points’ – a system I haven’t quite figured out yet.

Yakyuu II goes in a different direction as its predecessor, which was a welcome contribution to the menu simulator genre and put ASCII Corporation on the map. While fans of menu simulation will find some menus, which might be enough to satiate their hunger pangs, Yakyuu II comes a bit closer to ‘being a game’ by actually showing teams engage each other.

Players need not worry, though. They can continue enjoying being manager, reading statistics, and changing players’ names without interference, as they don’t actually have to play the game. It’s more of a ‘watch and play’ experience, only with more watch and infinitely less play.

Frankly, that’s how I like my yakyuu, But this title has too much graphical depiction of yakyuu for my tastes.

Stick to menu simulators and fewer feelings will be hurt.

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When someone says to me, “Hey you there in the bushes! What’s your least favourite memory?” I say, “I don’t remember, but you can bet that it has nothing to do with Baseball Stars II!”

Baseball Stars II, as the name would suggest, is the second cartridge of SNK’s two-cartridge baseball installment known as Baseball Stars. Due to the graphics, audio, and in-depth story line that spans several stadiums and dozens of characters, Baseball Stars could not fit on one cartridge.

Because of a communication error between the design and marketing departments at SNK, many fans felt cheated by the sudden ending in Baseball Stars, then felt that the release of Baseball Stars II, during the following year, was just an attempt at a cash-grab.

Had players picked up Baseball Stars II, though, they would have realized it seemed like the same game as Baseball Stars for a good reason. So Baseball Stars II is recommended for players who

• Would like to see the exciting conclusion of the Baseball Stars series
• Are unable to distinguish between two things that are exactly the same

Excellent addition to the ‘star’ genre.

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In the late 1970s, Americans began to realize how oppressive pants were when it came not only to running in track-and-field events, but also walking down the street, standing, sitting around the house, and kneeling.

The question on everyone’s mind was how can we achieve freer movement while still covering our shameful nether regions and not being seen as an abomination in the eyes of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?

After a few dozen lines of cocaine at 11:59pm on December 31^st, 1979, the answer became clear: remove the legs. Not the legs of the person, although that is a side-effect of some hallucinogenic drugs. No, the answer was to remove the leg of the pants until the material covered the bare minimum.

This fashion trend became known as running shorts, and it really took off! These ‘shorts’ became popular amongst all sectors of society, from the proletariat to the bourgeoisie. School children, musical entertainers, and athletes all took to wearing shorts.

It was comments from athletes that led to this apparel’s refinement, as it was discovered that making them shorter and cutting a slit in the side would allow for a number of improvements:

• As a part of a gym class uniform, gym teachers would now have a reason to get up in the morning;
• The slits allowed for faster running; and
• The minimal use of material would make it difficult for young males to hide the visible signs of their frequent and often unexpected and uncalled for arousal

Shorts were one of the 1980s more racy fashion statements. But they have had much staying power, and even today people can still be witnessed wearing them, showing that they have risen to the heights of success just as quickly, easily, and poetically as they’ve risen up the butts of wearers everywhere.

Amazing!

Put on some Aviators, find yourself a whistle, and no questions will be asked, aside from, “When can you start?”

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Put some pine-tar on that wood – you’re going to need a tight grip in order to keep up with these balls!

Once Nintendo found success with its Bill and Ted series, developers felt that the space was opened up to allow them to take more risks with their video games. The trend was toward decidedly minimalist graphics and game play. The earliest example of this is when the final release of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was essentially the beta release of the game with very few things changed.

During the high noon of this philosophical approach, Baseball was released. The controls are unorthodox yet intuitive, as well as extremely simple to understand and master. In Baseball the controls – and graphics and sound – exist within the player, meaning the quality of this title is left strictly to the players.

This game is recommended for older audiences, though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much full frontal female nudity in my entire life.

If you play one baseball game on the Nintendo Entertainment System, make it this one.

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