Bubble Bobble 2 will make you laugh. It’ll make you cry … and if you’re not careful, you might just learn something.

Still high from the unexpected sales of the first Bubble Bobble – known as Yoshi the Chinese Miner in Japan – Taito Corporation Interactive Development Corporation decided to get Bubble Bobble 2 onto the shelves of Zellers and K-Mart as quickly as possible.

The game’s designers were put in a tough position when they were told to meet the deadline of “the day after Bubble Bobble shipped out of the warehouse.” In order to do it, they decided to glue stray copies of Bubble Bobble to Kirby’s Dreamland.

Most Nintendo Entertainment Systems were not designed to house two NES cartridges. But for those astute individuals who voided their warranty by bravely modifying their NES, they were rewarded with a solid sequel to the original Bubble Bobble.

Those who didn’t modify their NES ended up with a ruined copy of an otherwise perfect Kirby’s Dreamland.

Excellent graphics, enthralling story, thrilling adventure. Only you can help Yoshi escape from the mines!

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This ain’t your granddaddy’s California Raisins.

California Raisins: The Grape Escape is the title that brought the exciting world of the NASCAR license to the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Because Acclaim – developers of California Raisins – declined to have every pixel decorated with a corporate logo, however, NASCAR refused to allow any of its racers to appear in the game. Acclaim and NASCAR worked out a deal that allowed fans to enjoy the sweet taste of NASCAR on the NES by agreeing to sell California Raisins for the handsome price of -$15.

Like one would expect from any racing game, the directional pad allows players to steer their NASCAR-styled automobile left and right while the ‘A’ button accelerates and the ‘B’ button does something called ‘braking’. I’m not sure what that is, but it seems to slowdown the car, a huge improvement over the official NASCAR technique of ‘crashing into a wall’.

The only downside to California Raisins is that the turning seems kind of sluggish in the Las Vegas and Houston racetracks. And for some reason there’s a raisin walking back and forth on the screen, but otherwise it’s a flawless NASCAR title.

Indicative of the quality one would expect from NASCAR.

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Due to the invention of something known as “the media” in the early 1980s, the phrase “Welfare Queen” was able to enter the popular lexicon. The history of the term, however, has three distinct turning points.

The term first came into private use after especially-flamboyant photos of Franklin Delano “The New Deal” Roosevelt were discovered in the Oval Office in the 1960s.

This inside joke at the White House was first publicly discussed as a result of a slip-up by our Handsome and Glorious Leader Ronald Reagan during his first presidential campaign in 1976. While he was robbed of his victory by Jimmy “Welfare Queen” Carter, Reagan tried to maintain the air of decency that surrounds the myth of Roosevelt by conjuring up a false image of a woman who defrauds the welfare system by having many children, refusing to work, and being of African-descent.

In the 1980s, the term “Welfare Queen” came to represent what we know and love it as today. During his second presidential campaign, Reagan tried to address what he saw as an upsurge in loyalist activity in the northeastern United States: “Welfare Queen” was then used to address Queen Elizabeth II of England and how she simply lived off “tax-payers’ money” while “not really doing anything”.

Showing his effectiveness as a leader, Reagan appealed to Americans’ love for their staunchly protestant and American work ethic. Grandma Matheson quickly took down the Union Jack flag from her wall, and the potential revolt was crushed – or folded-up and tucked-away in an attic.

Thanks, President Reagan – or Ronnie, as I like to call him – for maintaining our Glorious and True national unity in the face of adversity.

Zeig Heil.

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Fulfill your every fantasy as you take the role of a goldfish/chicken/bomb whose ability to walk on walls and ceilings is only trumped by his ability to touch our hearts.

Chack ‘n Pop, or Streets of Rage II in Swaziland, has you tasked with rescuing a heart from a cage. Using only the power of a tight-knit family, and aided partially by bombs, you’ll have to make your way from the top left of the screen all the way to the bottom right.

Are you a bad enough dude to navigate your way diagonally across your floor model television’s crystal clear screen?

I’ve created a FAQ for this game to help you get past the first level, and hopefully you’ll catch on from there.

Travel in this general direction.

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Sly Stallone hits this role out of the park!

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Japanese horse racing has never been exciting.   Err… so exciting…

Boy howdy it seems like forever since the last string of Japanese casino games, but here we are again. I hope you brought a bag of Japanese Yen and a love of horses bordering on illegal.

Obviously this game isn’t 1991 Du Ma Racing caliber – nothing truly is. So now that we have that out of the way – this game stands on its own as one of the finest horse racing sims out there. It’s got horses, running, gambling, and Japanese text.

What more could you ask for? Fun? Enjoyment?

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Taking the familiar 1942-style into the THIRD DIMENSION.

If you’ve ever flown an F14 you’ll feel right at home in this classic sports title from Acclaim.

For starters, it features the familiar “top-down” perspective pilots use to fly their planes. For seconders, it features bullets, missiles, and huge swaths of fire emitted from the front of your plane.

Overall the game is very similar to the Atari classic “Star Fox”. Though it features a hawk in place of a fox, and is published on a cartridge instead of a slice of bologna.

The only way this game could get any more realistic would be to have you liberate Iraqis from their families and homes.

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