Your pet monster “a monster of a friend.”

It’s always good when a toy has the ability to break it and repair it built in, and this was the case with My Pet Monster. Tear his handcuffs open and connect them back together until you’re blue in the face – I dare you.

When you’re exhausted from playing with his ‘cuffs, you should keep in mind his nose and teeth were solid plastic, so you may want to avoid sleeping next to him unless you have something against your eyes being kept in their sockets.

There was also a show along with the toy but despite my fond memories, it appears that it was a horrible, horrible shell of a show created just to sell something… unfortunately the status quo with toys.

Enjoy your pet monster, just don’t leave him in the car with the windows up.

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3-in-1 is a clear step-up from its 1-in-1 and 2-in-1 predecessors.

3-in-1 is a sure fire hit, containing two great games and one other game that is most certainly a game, and thus allowing for the ‘3’ to be accurate.

With the sales each game has had individually, it is surprising that they would license these titles to be released on the same cartridge. It is also surprising that a company could afford to pay for the licenses, but #-in-1 Game Development Company managed to pull the appropriate strings in order to bring the project together.

With Turtles 3, Chip and Dale, and Robocomp, there’d be no reason to remove this cartridge from your Nintendo Entertainment System unless you want to play a game that isn’t on it.

A+

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In 1985, the synth-rockers from the United Kingdom known as Boys Don’t Cry let loose their most politically-charged track to date. Some viewed this as a light-hearted poke at spaghetti westerns, but therein lies its insidiousness. The target of this scathing satirical piece was actually the economic climate of the 1980s, with Reaganomics being the main target.

Shot in sepia tone to capture the bleakness of life under our Glorious Leader, the music video for “I Wanna Be a Cowboy” depicted a desire pulled straight from the collective unconscious to return to the farm.

And for those who didn’t desire such a return, the prospect was becoming more likely with each passing day.

Then our protagonist wakes up and smells the tobacco of his made-in-America cigar. He realizes it was all a dream and that everything is on the up-and-up.

Finish having that bath, then head on over to the dealership and buy that American-made General Motors automobile. And fill it up with as much gasoline as you like at the cheapest prices the world has even seen.

There’s no end in sight, though, so there’s no need to rush. Take your time. You earned it, buckaroo.

Take control of Iron Man armed with Captain America’s shield in this Tecmo classic.

There’s no time for menus in this beast. Maybe you didn’t hear but you’re IRON MAN. So get out there and bust some heads already. What did you want to do at the menu anyway, change the controller layout to be upside down? You’re an embarrassment.

So you’re jumping across the backs of armadillos and swinging your shield around. It looks like some type of attack you’re doing, but it doesn’t harm anyone, so it’s probably just to show them that you stole the shield.

After a while you come upon a doorway 100 feet up and on the side of a tree. Inside you speak to Japanese Santa Claus. It’s a little known fact that in Japan Santa is a steroid abuser whose gone bald as a result.

And has no feet.

Menus are just speed bumps NES-style

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Are you ready for some platform jumping action?

Not only does Alfred Chicken provide players with a unique platforming experience not seen on the Nintendo Entertainment System since the last game you took out of your console, it also contains such great features as

• Playing as a chicken
• Struggling to figure out how long down on the directional pad must be held in order to harm an enemy by jumping on it
• Moving to the right to complete levels
• Moving up to complete levels

The only draw back of Alfred Chicken is that players really are given too much leeway for making mistakes. This makes the game feel much too short as players are able to run through the game without feeling the repercussions of their recklessness.

Also contains the ability to make young children smile. Disgusting.

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Obviously the match would have Krang inside of his exoskeleton. Take him out of that and this becomes the world’s most brutal pummeling of an exposed brain. I can’t say I’ve ever experienced someone kicking my brain football-punt style, but I can’t imagine it’d be enjoyable.

Because of the exoskeleton Man-At-Arms is at a severe size disadvantage in this one, so his best bet would probably be to stay on his toes. The more he moves the more likely it is he throws a clumsy Krang off balance. As soon as Krang goes down Man-At-Arms can leap on top of him and rip open that microwave door holding Krang’s soft body inside the robot.

However, if Krang gets a hold of Man-At-Arms then there’s a real possibility he leaves the ring as Man-Without-Arms.

Overall I have to give the edge to Man-At-Arms. He’s He-Man’s weapons expert, so I’m sure he’s got some blueprints in mind as to how to end this one quickly.

The first holder of the prestigious title is: Man-At-Arms