Unfortunately my perfectly legitimate store bought copy of this game wouldn’t work, so I had to resort to using the beta edition.

Don’t worry though, the beta is a near complete copy.

So in this game we take the role of a rectangle who is trying to avoid various squares and rectangles. The location of the game is a town filled with rudimentary geometric shapes.

I think it’s a biting satire about the use of round objects in video games. The subject matter (tomatoes) suits this satire perfectly.

A great effort all… a’round’ – Ha ha ha!

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In 1982, the majority of provincial governments in Canada endorsed the Constitution Act, which would grant Canada independence from Great Britain if Great Britain was kind enough to approve.

Great Britain did approve, and Her Royal Supreme Ruler Majesty Queen Elizabeth II travelled to Canada and officially passed the Act by signing a proclamation in the nation’s capitol of Ottawa on April 17^th, 1982.

This represented a radical change, as Canada was now allowed to pass its own laws without getting official approval from the Queen. Instead, the Queen would merely remain the head of state while the officially-appointed Governor General would act as the Queen’s representative and provide the ok for passing bills and legislation.

Now that’s what I call freedom!

…But I died in World War I and II for the Queen and the Union Jack, not some hippie Liberal from Quebec.

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Alien Syndrome? More like D…aaaaaaaamn Syndrome!

In Alien Syndrome, players take control of either member of the sister and brother duo, Thomas and Charlene. As members of the Soviet Space Program, you have to save your comrades from the onslaught of American pigs. In order to avoid confusion, Americans are depicted as purple blobs and fellow Soviets are red and white blobs.

The controls in Alien Syndrome are simple. Players can move in 8-directions by using the keypad, shoot by pressing the ‘B’ button. Walk into your comrades to collect them, and once you collect the required amount, find the exit.

The only real escape, however, is the escape from reality players realize they’ve had after they see that hours and hours have passed since turning the game on.

Overall, this is a valuable addition to the #-in-1 franchise.

No one escapes the cold, clammy grasp of the grave.

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Is there a better way to show those pinko commies that you don’t give a rat’s ass?

In the 1980s, Americans were jumping ship quicker than East Germans in abandoning conventional methods of washing clothing. The new method, at least with blue jeans, was a technique known as ‘acid washing’ that allowed recently-made jeans to have that tattered, the-pants-are-twenty-years-old look that everyone wanted to have.

In order to achieve this look, fashion connoisseurs simply piled rocks and chlorine into a washer set to ‘spin cycle’ and let that cycle run for twenty-five minutes.

Of course, you’ll want to have another washer filled with an agent that prevents the material from continuing to be eaten away by chlorine. Let that sucker spin for another twenty-five minutes before transferring your jeans to a dryer or clothesline.

Now take a deep breath. Do you know what that smell is? Freedom, son. Freedom.

No finer way to show off my rugged individuality.

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A hot new music act has launched out of Germany and is currently blazing its way up music charts across the world.

Milli Vanilli is the name of the act that should be on your radar. Consisting of Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan, the duo initially found success in Europe with their record ‘All or Nothing’. With the release of their United States debut ‘Girl You Know It’s True’, Milli Vanilli have been churning out hit after hit of delicious R&B-based pop tunes.

Milli Vanilli have also found success on music television programs that allow Pilatus and Morvan to showcase their abilities to cut a rug. Viewers will be blown away by Milli Vanilli’s live shows as well, as their ability to unleash such complicated dance moves does not hamper their vocal performance.

Speaking of vocal performance, these boys ain’t just another pretty face: they’ve got the pipes to back up their rising stardom. And it is this awesome vocal performance that will entrench them in the minds of millions as the saviours of modern radio.

Milli Vanilli, quickly becoming one of the hottest acts of all-time, is definitely the act to follow. And girl, you know it’s true that these records will be spinning on music fans’ record players for decades to come.

Perhaps a better representation of an icy wasteland than Arctic.

Put on your ski-suit and get ready to feel a chill as you and your penguin avatar race across the forgotten continent. You’re tasked with collecting flags as you make your way from one shore to the other.

Your obstacles: Holes, Seals, Starvation, Psychosis.

Strafe left, strafe right, and jump on this exciting journey. But never let it slip from your mind that if you freeze to death on this hellish island, your death-face will be preserved for eternity by the very water that once gave you life.

A light-hearted adventure game, great for small children.

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